Aside:

So I realized something today. I was about to do a good thing and I was a bit scared, I was fidgeting with my hands and I felt this thrill.

People do bad things because they like that thrilling feeling, you know? And when you do good things, I realized, you kind of feel the same thrill.

And you also feel all warm and fuzzy inside and doesn’t it feel so much better when you’re doing a good thing for other people? Because everybody has problems and these days it seems like everybody is always so sad and it’s like when you do a good thing for someone, you’re like this flower that suddenly sprouted in their dry, barren garden. It’s like, even if it’s a simple, small gesture, you make them happy for a second in their life and you made them smile a genuine smile and doesn’t that seem more thrilling than when you do bad things? Doesn’t that feel more addicting? Doesn’t the smile you get when you do something good for people, like even just open doors for them make you feel high?

The world is just so polluted and horrible and bad and when you do good things, I realized that it’s like you’re being this fresh breath of air, it’s like you’re decreasing pollution a little bit in some way. And doesn’t that make you feel like you’re adequate? Like you’re important?

Do you get what I mean? Sometimes, it’s like so many thoughts fly inside my head and I can’t even piece them into words, and that’s so frustrating in a way…

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